12 Weeks of Peace

Grief changes us. The pain sculpts us into someone who understands more deeply, hurts more often, appreciates more quickly, cries more easily, loves more openly.

~ Unknown

Grief may be a long and difficult journey, but it is something you can come out of. You will never forget the person you lost or stop missing them, but you can go back to living a happy and productive life. The first step towards this is believing that you can. You have to believe that grief won’t last forever.

Grief is hard work. Exhausting, strenuous, and laborious work.  It may be essential towards feeling happiness again, but those who’ve never experienced it can’t know how difficult and tiring it is. All the recommended ways to handle grief – screaming, sobbing, hitting pillows, even just talking … all of these can be physically and emotionally draining. Sometimes you need a rest. After all, if you told someone that you worked 24 hours per day, 7 days a week, they’d probably tell you to take some time off. The same goes for grief. If you need a mental break, let yourself take one. Grieving is an essential journey, but you’re allowed to stop for a moment to catch your breath.

Particularly after losing a close family member, people experience a loss of identity. This person has been with you your whole life, so how can you continue on if they’re gone? You’re grieving the loss of your family member, but also grieving the loss of who you once were. You will never be that person again, but you will stronger, wiser and better able to cope with adversity.

Earlier, we discussed different types of grieving. However, there is one that we didn’t mention. Creative mourning is mourning through effective and creative expressions of your grief. The healthiest way to grieve is to express your feelings, and doing so through creative grieving will give you a mental and emotional outlet. This can include artwork, poetry, or creating a memorial page.

• Healing artwork

“But I’m not an artist,” many of you will reply. Well, that’s perfect! You don’t have to follow any preconceived rules or expectations of how you should be creating. Try scrapbooking, or maybe create a memory box full of sentimental possessions. Draw, paint, sculpt, color, or anything you like. Let it come from your soul, your grief, your heart, your pain. Wherever you feel you need an outlet, this is the place to start. Whether you’re creating stick figures holding hands or more intricate abstract pieces, you’ll find that healing is in the act, not the final product.

• Create An Online Memorial Page.

There’s something healing in telling the world about your loved one. You can find comfort in the words posted by others, as well as the creative process of making a web page. One common fear in grief is somehow “losing” those who have passed. The truth is that they live forever in the words and memories of those who still remain. Write everything you love and remember about them and post it online. Others can understand you better and share with you how they miss them, too.

• Keep a diary or a journal.

Journaling is an excellent outlet, and a diary can be a private place for you to record your thoughts.

Emotions can come in overwhelming waves that may seem impossible to understand, much less handle. The act of writing everything down, forcing yourself to articulate it in words, will help you make sense of what is going on in your head. Once you put it on paper, it is a tangible problem, feeling or opinion that you can begin to deal with. Use your journal as a place to sort out your thoughts, jot down ideas and plans for yourself, memorialize special moments you shared with your loved one, or as safe place to put pen to paper and let your thoughts flow.

Many people dislike writing because they can’t figure out where to start organizing their thoughts. Here are some ideas to get you going: 

The first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning was…

I am proud of myself because today I…

Today was a difficult day. Particularly because…

I’m scared that I…

Tomorrow I really hope…

The hardest part of this is…

I would be so much happier if…

I am looking forward to…

I absolutely love…

I am feeling angry at…

My goal for tomorrow is…

Last night, I had a dream that…

The most overwhelming feeling I’m having right now is…

One thing I did today that I will try to do differently tomorrow is…

Grief is an incredibly isolating and personal experience. When someone passes, everyone who has a relationship with that person will feel differently. After all, losing a spouse or a sibling is different than losing a parent or losing a best friend. It’s normal to feel that no one can understand what your loss meant to you. Luckily, it is now easier than ever to go online and read testimonials and stories from people all over the world in how they deal with their grief.

When you feel strong enough, share your story. Your grief may cause you pain and heartache so terrible you would do anything to make it go away. This may seem impossible, but your grief has made you much wiser. What do you now know that you wish you had known at the moment you experienced your loss? Share it.