12 Weeks of Peace
Week 9: Acceptance
We are now entering the final four of the 12 Weeks of Peace. Week 9 begins to discuss one of the main themes of this series: you should not feel afraid or guilty about moving forward. Note that this is not the same as moving “on,” as you will never move on from loving someone. Your goal in this process is to find a way to keep living your life, with the acceptance that your loved one is gone. This week we will brainstorm different ways for you to personally say goodbye, continue to embrace the love and support of those around you, and begin to consider what your life will now look like after this loss.
Day 57: Your Relationship is Yours
Death is not all-powerful. While it can take a physical body at any moment, it cannot steal love or memories – those belong only to life. Death cannot steal your memory of their laugh, their favorite food, or the love and secrets you shared. Do not believe death has more power than it does. Your loved one and your relationship belong to you forever.
Day 58: Keep Moving Forward
When something life-changing happens, the most impossible concept to imagine is that time keeps going. It feels as though the loss was so earth-shattering that surely in the wake of it, the universe is unable to keep spinning. Yet even in the midst of a tornado of emotions, time marches on.
Life is like a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
~ Albert Einstein
Day 59: Saying Goodbye
A vital aspect of moving forward is getting closure on what happened, and feeling as though you’ve properly said goodbye to your loved one. Some people may have been lucky enough to be able to do this in person, but even if the passing was sudden, you can still find a special way to say goodbye. This often happens at a funeral or memorial service, but sometimes people need a more private setting.
There are an infinite number of ways to do this that are unique to the individual who has passed. You can write them a letter. You could scatter their ashes somewhere meaningful.
Even if you were able to attend a funeral or memorial, you may have still been in a state of shock so soon after the death. Once a bit of time has passed, you may feel like you want to say your own goodbye. Whatever it takes, give yourself this opportunity. When you have accepted that they are gone and are at peace, you can continue on your path of recovery.
I’ve bought plants for my own little memorial for him. I know that he would appreciate it. It’s something special
from me to him.
~ via Hope Again
We used to send each other letters, me and mum. She always put some humor in them. I recommend that anyone in my situation should put any memories (letters, badges, I put in some dried petals from the rose I put in her coffin – anything really) into a box with a lock on. Every now and again, unlock the memory box and refresh your memory.
~ via Hope Again
Day 60: Only Two Options
My suffering life was one bank of a river. The bank on the other side was a better life, a happier life. The river that ran between those banks was the tumultuous, raging river of deep grief. I realized early on that the river was much too long and wide to find a way around. Time would be wasted in searching for that path. The choices were two: ignore the river and stay on the bank of suffering, or cross the river to a happier, healthier life. To find a better life, I knew had to move across and through my grief; I had to jump in and do battle with it. If I’d ignored it, the river would have grown more powerful and ever wider, eventually spilling over its banks and drowning any chance for a better life.
~ via Heartbreak to Healing
Day 61: What is Your Grief Story
You may have an idea of what your grief journey will look like, and you may be right. But don’t be alarmed if your path takes you somewhere unexpected. Maybe you were expecting guilt, but instead you experienced anger. Perhaps you were planning on guilt and anger, but instead felt only a deep sorrow. Your emotions may run deeper than you know, and grief is likely going to bring them to the surface. Just give yourself the time to sort through them.
Wounds don’t heal the way you want them to. They heal the way they need to. It takes time for wounds to fade into scars. It takes time for the process of healing to take place. Give yourself that time. Give yourself that grace. Be gentle with your wounds. Be gentle with your heart. You deserve to heal.
~ Dele Olanubi
Day 62: Thank the People Who Have Mattered
You have lost someone special to you, and the only piece of your life that’s easy to see is the space where they once were. Focusing on this emptiness will not pull you through your grief. That void in your heart will always be there, but that doesn’t mean you have to be empty. Fill your heart with love and gratitude for what you still have. Anyone going through grief often gets a sense of who truly cares about them. Who is that for you? Next time you see them, spare a moment to thank them for being there for you. Let them know that even if you can’t always show it, you are so thankful to have them in your life. Never let the things and people you yearn for make you forget the people you do have.
Day 63: After They are Gone
When someone we love passes away,
We ache, but we go on;
Our dear departed would want us to heal
After they are gone
Grief is a normal way to mend
The anguish and pain in our hearts;
We need time to remember and time to mourn,
Before the recovery starts.
Let’s draw together to recuperate,
As we go through this period of sorrow;
Let’s help each other, with tender care
To find a brighter tomorrow.